In marriage counseling and couples psychotherapy, I have noticed that my clients struggle because their partner is too busy texting, returning emails, and wearing headphones, both at home and at work! Have you noticed with texting, email, mobile devices, and tablets that we are increasingly “alone together” and not really enjoying the intimacy of relationships? How have your partner’s mobile devices, Twitter, Facebook time, texting, and bouncing emails affected your relationship?
The New York Times recently wrote a great article on how we all have fewer conversations – at work, at home, and during intimacy. The article points out that in this day and age we have “sips” of online connection that ultimately don’t satisfy us with what really matters to all of us: true intimacy with oneself and with others.
The movie “Up in the Air” also portrays characters who are dealing with exchanges between technology and intimacy. Do you know someone in your life who trades travel or technology with married life? What about the growth of knowing yourself and your partner? Does ultra-fast coast-to-coast travel, along with online texting, Twitter, and email, with their short, simple answers and prayers, encourage deeper self-reflection? What about paying attention to the nuances in yourself and in your partner?
Tip 1: Evaluate WHEN you want to connect without devices and travel itineraries. Are devices allowed on the food table? In the car? Can anyone ask for a “device timeout” when they want to have a longer conversation? How flexible are the travel schedules? The simple habits you learn in couples counseling can help you create uninterrupted attention times for each other and change your old habits in thirty days.
Tip 2: Make some agreements about “personal time” and “relationship time.” Find the balance of enough alone time and enough relationship time that works for both of you. Autonomy is as important as privacy. Learn to enjoy each other’s company again through relationship counseling. When was your last vacation alone? With your mate? Love grows when there is quality care, joy, time and connection, for you and for the health of the relationship.
Tip 3: Start learning different ways to improve sexual intimacy with your partner. Have you tried to breathe together with intention? Learn to enjoy your own body by becoming more alive and grounded while enjoying the energy of your partner as you add oxygen. Psychotherapy can improve this profoundly by practicing EMPATHY, an essential element in developing sexual communication.
You might be surprised how good conversations can progress to fun sexual intimacy when you take the time not to be online most of the time. Rediscover passion (you can always connect in your own body when you are open to deepening with yourself) and connect with the other through relationship tools that are easily learned. There is so much pressure in our crazy busy lifestyle that intimacy takes a back seat. Take it no more and return to tenderness and appreciation through marriage counseling.