14-year-old girl: “Sex to me is like dancing. I love dancing with different men.”
Doctor: “Do you feel anything when you dance with these men?”
14-year-old girl: “Sometimes. I have a lot of feelings. They last for a while and then they’re gone.”
Doctor: “Do these men even have feelings for you”?
14-year-old girl: “Sometimes, for a minute.”
Doctor: “If you have a sister and she tells you she wants to have sex, what are you going to tell her”?
14-year-old girl: “I’ll tell her to wait.”
Doctor: “Then why do you do what you do”?
14-year-old girl: “I’m the most popular girl in 9th grade.”
This is dialogue (although not verbatim) from a movie I recently saw on TV. It was very realistic, it surely caught my attention and inspired me to write this article.
Like this girl in the movie, I had sex when I was 14 years old. The only difference between her and me was that she was having sex with only one guy and she didn’t have a disease. Still, many of her thoughts were my own thoughts back then, and I’m sure these are your thoughts too… in a way.
There is something about sex that makes us very curious at a young age. It makes us wonder how he feels. It makes us think that we become more mature when we get involved in it. And just like what this girl thought, it makes us think that we can gain popularity through it.
When your friends start sharing their sexual experiences with you, you start to wonder how it really feels. And most of the time, people will paint a really nice picture in your mind even if they didn’t enjoy it. Boys brag about it; and the girls too. No one will ever talk about their bad experiences with him.
Having sex for guys makes them feel like they have conquered something. It makes them feel like real men. For girls, it’s totally different. She starts to feel good when the guy starts to like her. She doesn’t really see it as sex. She sees it more as getting her attention and being wanted by this guy. This is what the 14-year-old girl in the movie was referring to when she said that boys’ feelings for her last a minute. So she starts wanting the attention again, which is why she eventually keeps giving in.
Regardless of age, boys and girls will always be the same. I remember a saying that goes: Boys give love to have sex; Girls give sex to get love. In short, men are lustful beings and women are emotional beings. You put these two needs together and you have teenagers whose hormones and testosterones are easily activated.
Unfortunately, teen sex never leads to anything good. In fact, God himself is against it, not because he doesn’t want you to enjoy it, but because he really wants you to enjoy it. Think of it this way… your parents want to give you the best car you can get. They don’t want to give you anything less than that. However, they have to wait for the right time to give it to you. God is the same way. He wants to give you the gift of sex, designed by Him, at the right time and place, and that is in marriage.
Trust me, no teenager who has ever had sex has ever enjoyed it the way God designed it to be enjoyed. Honestly, their bodies aren’t fully developed yet when they’re teenagers. More than that, you are still mentally and emotionally immature. You may think you are or can be physically good at it, but that doesn’t mean it’s good in the way it can be good.
It takes deep intimacy with the other person to feel as free and relaxed with sex. This intimacy and freedom can only be experienced in marriage. In marriage there is no fear of being caught, of having a disease, of acting better than others, of proving yourself to your partner, etc. You are free to be who God made you to be. You freely serve the other person because of your great love for them. It is not a superficial high but something very deep and intense.
Teen sex may feel good, but it doesn’t last. It only scratches the surface. So it leads to destruction. How many teenage pregnancies and abortions have resulted from this? How many extreme jealousies that led to murder have occurred as a result? How many adolescents acquired sexually transmitted diseases as a consequence? How many boys and girls have been injured and indeed injured?
In that movie I was talking about, a girl was having oral sex with her boyfriend. She really liked him. Then one day the guy took her to her room with another friend with her girlfriend and wanted her to have group sex with them. The girl said, “But I just want to have sex with you.” She was so shocked at what he was trying to do. She ran away and the boy still stayed in the room with the other couple. That surely broke his heart.
Teenage boys are not mature enough to even understand the emotions that girls go through. Teenage girls are not mature enough to handle their own emotions. This is where everything can get really messy. It’s a lot of drama, sure.
Teen sex, or any other sex outside of marriage, will never work the way sex was designed to work because it works against the grain. It’s like using an appliance for something it wasn’t designed for. You may think it’s running until the motor dies or breaks completely.
Sex is God’s gift to you for your marriage. It is supposed to be your gift to your future husband/wife. It is not meant to be opened now and used by someone else. Even if you eventually end up married to the person you’re having sex with, you can’t open the gift early, or you’ll ruin it. This happened to me and that’s why my first marriage failed. He was my boyfriend at 14 and the boy I gave my virginity to. I had sex with him at 14 and continued to have sex with him, which led to my pregnancy and a marriage neither of us were ready for. It hurts not only him and me, but also our children and the people around us.
It’s not as hard as you think if you believe you deserve the best. This is where it all begins. If you think you deserve nothing more than the best God has to offer, you will wait for the best and the best time. You won’t just give that special gift to just anyone. It is reserved for the person God created for you.
It will also be easier if you take into account that you have an enemy out there who is dying to destroy you, kill you and rob you. His name is satan and he is your number one enemy. He wants you to give up that gift so you don’t have the best God has to offer. He wants to steal that gift from you. He wants to kill you with disease or in the anger of a jealous boyfriend/girlfriend. He wants to destroy your life. To give in to sex before marriage is to give in to the devil. You want that?
In the midst of peer pressure and temptation, you can win if you focus on God and His Word. You won’t be able to do it on your own. You need Jesus and the power of the Holy Spirit.