With all the sexting, texting, and online dating in our culture, it’s sometimes hard for a girl to tell if an online crush is real or not. While it’s fun to get a load of her text-based flirtation, can a digital fake boyfriend morph into a real-life relationship? I mean, let’s be honest, for some guys, a keyboard date is just that. You may never intend to move beyond a sexting relationship. So here are some questions to ask yourself:
Are you an online groupie? Remember, an effusive blog reader is not a boyfriend. Now, I’m not saying that someone who reads your words or sees your photo online or has 143 Facebook friends in common with you will never, ever become a boyfriend. It’s possible. But it can’t start that way. I once had this misconception after a digital boyfriend read my writing. I had wrongly assumed that since we had seen each other’s photos and heard each other’s voices, we somehow “knew” each other. Actually, intimacy is something that requires a lot of face-to-face time, and I’m not talking about the iPhone show. If you don’t meet face to face now, you probably won’t in the future.
Did you start sexting too soon? Sexting is a wonderful way to maintain a totally intimate and trusting relationship. It is not a short way. Intimate sexual conversation, even if it is through text messages, is one way to curb the growing emotional intimacy. It’s as if our minds can handle two types of intimacy at once (sexual and emotional), so it puts a brake on one. So if the texts and emails are sex-related on intellectual and emotional topics, you might get a connection with him, but probably not a boyfriend.
Do your actions speak louder than your texts? Plane tickets Trump promises. If he doesn’t show up early, you can count on him not showing up later. The start of a courtship should look like a Prince Charming performance at an Academy Award. If it’s anything less than he is communicating something powerful to you. He is not a real boyfriend. Move on!
Do you text a lot more than you talk? The text keeps us in touch, but that’s about it. Frequent and regular texting eases our attachment anxiety. It keeps us in touch. But it doesn’t build a healthy relationship. It feels good. We feel a rush of happiness when we receive a text message. But this series of dopamine jolts is what tricks our brains into thinking this is a real relationship.
Do you live in geographic range? Geography rules. No wonder there is a dating app that helps you find the closest suitor. Proximity is more important than compatibility. Actually. No matter how perfect that man who lives 3,000 miles away is for you, a perfectly good man on your block will bring you closer to a healthy relationship and maybe even a family.