Here in Los Angeles plastic surgery is all the rage. So are botox injections and so many other things that people who use them falsely believe will make them more perfect. I remember an episode of The Twilight Zone (“Number 12 Looks Like You” – Jan 24, 1964) where everyone gets surgery at 19 to make them look beautiful and similar. They are all numbered instead of being themselves. A young woman refuses the procedure, yet eventually relents.
While our society hasn’t gone that far, it did show what could happen when we have a society that conforms to a certain standard of beauty. Instead of celebrating how unique each of us is, he showed that we should all be the same in appearance and in what we do.
There are some women who even had plastic surgery to look like “Barbie”. I wonder how many young women and adult women have been influenced by this. Probably the worst example I’ve ever seen is Jenny Lee. She is a mother of two and she has had over 50 procedures last I heard of and that was in 2010. She is known to suffer from Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD). This is quite common and usually starts in adolescence.
Unlike those who have gone under the knife because they don’t like any kind of imperfection, I am here to tell you that it is your uniqueness and your imperfections that are perfect. I remember the day I finally embraced the scar that runs down my forehead as wonderful. We all have imperfections and that’s okay. Whether they are physical or what we do. Just learn to embrace your true self.
Here are five ways being your imperfect self is the path to true happiness:
1. Look forward to your best qualities. You may have qualities that were developed to help you cope. Some of them may be useful to others. True beauty is the one that comes from the inside and not from the outside. How many times have you come across a physically beautiful person who turned out to be shallow on the inside?
2. Know that what you see as imperfection, others see as perfect. It’s like the concept that one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. Know that you are a treasure. The most important thing is that you learn to treasure the gift that you are (as my friend Jerry McGowan would say).
3. Realize that when you stumble it’s okay. Mistakes are a part of life and trying to be perfect will never happen. In fact, perfectionism is imperfect and creates stagnation. New ideas arise from mistakes. So don’t make the mistake of trying to avoid making mistakes. Instead, accept them and learn from them. Even learn to laugh at yourself. I do this when I speak and it really connects me better with the audience.
4. Help others. This has been shown time and time again to be a proven way to boost your own self-esteem. Volunteer in some capacity. Even reading to children or helping out at a senior center will work. Even find something you are passionate about and help out there. Use your unique qualities when you do it.
5. Create your new life now. I have to give credit to Dr. Albert Ellis for this. Talk about rewriting your personal history. Part of this is that even though you recognize that the mistakes of your past are there, they are not you. Learn from them and move on. Where you are now is your day after tomorrow. When you change the way you think and believe about yourself, you will change.
I wish you a happy and as Dr. Ellis would say, reaching unconditional self-acceptance.