It was one of the most pleasant Sunday afternoons in the Kingdom in months.
There was a subtle breeze that made the sun more pleasant for retirees and children. Residents gathered for the annual Rabbit Round-Up BBQ at the Kingdom Fairgrounds.
Delber Tardiff, a longtime resident and retired plumber, spoke candidly about the barbecue to the media. “The Rabbit Round-Up BBQ has been an annual event since the late 1800’s, but I remember as a kid I’d nibble on a little buckshot every now and then. Those rascals make a really good BBQ!”
Gabby Newtonian, a former first grade teacher, said, “I lost most of my teeth due to my licorice addiction, but roast rabbit done right is so tender and juicy, you don’t need teeth to enjoy it. It just melts in your mouth.” .
All guests were encouraged to have a second and third helper from the little furry creatures. The biggest fear, according to one of the event’s many sponsors, the Sisters of Traditional Debutantes, or STDs as they are commonly known, is that they will run out of napkins and baby wipes long before the annual barbecue comes to an end. closed.
The fact is, last year, Betsy Swallowhole, former president of STD, swooned when she discovered that the supply of napkins had run out much sooner than expected. She later attributed the incident to a calculator malfunction, but residents felt it was just another Kingdom cover-up for an STD.
The true story unfolded when local residents encouraged a pack of coyotes to come to the tables and feast on the grilled version of the food they so commonly enjoy raw and in the dark.
Fred Clump, the owner of the only tractor tire repair service in the Kingdom, bragged that the coyotes were nothing more than a slightly larger version of the many alley cats that roam the area.
According to witnesses, it was not more than a minute after Fred’s statement that the coyotes became more aggressive and began feasting on the pets that local residents had brought.
Screams and screams followed as the chaos turned a beautiful afternoon into a nightmare for adults and children alike. Firearms were drawn by those in the CCW crowd and it was like a turkey shot; although in this case it was a coyote shot.
Reverend Montclair said that, “there are those among us who bite the hand that feeds them, but the devil’s greed has a strange power.”
After the ruckus ended and the dust settled, a meet-your-neighbor head count was taken and it was determined that three of the attendees were taken away by the pack of unruly and ungrateful coyotes, never to be seen again. Although, in the hours that followed, a wristwatch and partial dental plaque were found a quarter mile from the event in the hills behind the fairgrounds.
The Kingdom’s director of pedestrian safety said “Coyotes are known to be party crashers and become belligerent once their bellies are full. This only adds to the stereotypical view that coyotes can’t be trusted.” coyotes.”
Animal activist Paton Theeback condemned the director’s comments, saying it was “obvious, that the behavior of those in attendance was malicious in order to lure and tease these wonderful creatures of the Southwest with a grilled version of their bland, raw diet and to play psychological mind games with them to trigger their natural instincts. The blame for this incident rests solely in the heads of the people of the Kingdom.”
STD buzzed among its members and openly promised to spread the lasting effect of STD throughout the community.
Just a footnote; The next morning, one of the coyotes that raided the barbecue was found dead, apparently the adult male coyote succumbed to suffocation on a pair of mesh pantyhose.
Talk of what happened at this year’s Rabbit Round-Up BBQ will resonate for the future and is bound to be relived through community storytelling by all in attendance.