I called a guy I’ve known for about three years.
Together with his wife, he has been to several parties at my house and we have been very cool.
He’s a professional actor, which for me was only partly traveled, so I kind of enjoy hearing about his career, how he deals with challenges like rejection and the inevitable ups and downs.
And I guess I’ve always told myself, “I can do what he does, whenever I want.”
And someday, I can do that.
In the meantime, there are very few links between his field and mine, although I do give lectures and seminars, and make a considerable number of television appearances.
Finally, the day came when I needed some advice from him on where I could take my media career.
I called him and he didn’t seem particularly busy.
What surprised me was the ease with which he dismissed the subject of my inquiry and turned the tables.
She said, without a trace of regret or reluctance, “I can’t help you, but if there’s anything you can do for me, don’t hesitate to call me!”
That put me off a bit, but I called it “show business.” He could be one of those people you know who is superficially friendly, as long as you can help him, but if you can’t, the conversation is over.
Then I got a call from a long lost business associate from the rural Midwest, a salt of the earth guy and someone I remember as a nice guy. After catching up, I mentioned that his seminar sponsorship might come in handy one of these days when he gets back to his neck of the woods, but he just demurred.
Almost in the next sentence, he told me that he has great new financial products to offer and that I should discuss them with him.
I hung up the phone and just shook my head.
What happened to the idea of reciprocity? One hand washes the other, right?
I’ve always had the mindset of believing, “If you want value, give value in return,” especially in business.
This is a proven idea in friendship, that is, do you want a friend? Be a friend.
But this ethic of reciprocity could be changing.
If so, that’s very disappointing, and I think silly, because win-lose relationships don’t last long, no matter where we’re located or what business we’re in.
You don’t need to keep official records of favors received and returned, but it seems a lot more sensible than acting like career advancement is a one-way street.